Well you guessed it, I am still not packed for London or Africa.  I am not too worried about London because as long as I bring my own shoes I will be ok. Em already has clothes over there so if I don't have something to wear in my suitcase I will have her closet to choose from.  Africa is another story, I have my stuff laid out on the kitchen table and figure I will rewear things, I am really not going to make a fashion statement.  Yet I have this feeling in the pit of my stomach that I am forgetting something.  Sooner or later I will find out if I forgot something.

That is the question that I have been contemplating over today, do I go to the genocide memorials in Rwanda where the bodies were not buried.  There are two large churches where thousands of Tutsi's were murdered and as a memorial their remains have not been moved.  Instead the bones remain, in the rooms, between the pew, men, women and children. Some people compare the memorial to a modern day Pompeii.  It is a horrific sight to see and I have been told it leaves a lasting impression...not a good one.

How can time seem to move so slowly but then a week is through before you know it?  The past week has really been a roller coaster for me.  Monday and Tuesday were full of weird, sad, happy, and lonely times.  That may sound kind of strange however that is what it felt like to me.  No one ever teaches you the proper etiquette on how to act or behave during a visitation and funeral when you are "part of the family".  The visitation was more like one of our family get-togethers such as a graduation party.  Everyone was there and friends were talking, updating each other on how old their kids were, their new promotion, what the rest of the summer plans were.  The only thing missing was Grandpa.

At one point Em and I didn't know anyone so decided to escape for a few minutes of peace.  Where did we end up...the bathroom which was decorated in the typical drab stereotypical funeral home decorations.  Keep in mind the funeral home was originally a house and the mens and women's bathrooms were put in as a necessity.  The women's was a rather large room with one toilet and a randomly placed cabinet/counter combo.  It was only meant for one person to use at a time but we could have fit the whole family in there.  Anyway back to the point of the story...Em and I were escaping the forced conversations with people who thought we were someone else and decided to document our rebellion with a photo.  

We got out the camera and while trying to get a good picture of the two of us the door to the bathroom suddenly swings open, we had forgotten to lock to door.  Thankfully it was Olivia our 8 year old cousin, if it wasn't I didn't know how we would have explained ourselves.  Olivia was also looking for a way to escape so the three of use hung out in the massive bathroom a bit.  It was kind of amusing when all three of us walked out, we got some looks.  The thing is it is hard to be there for five hours with a smile on your face greeting people when that is really the last thing on your mind.  However, the nice part was that after awhile you forget why everyone is there.

Tuesday was more difficult for me to stomach but the family had each other for support.  It is surprising to me how much I didn't know about my Grandpa until he passed away.  Even things that his own children didn't know came out.  I think that it would have been cool to know those things before so we could have asked him about it.

Those two days went so slowly but the rest of the week went extremely quickly, I can't believe it is Saturday.  I leave for London/Rwanda on Thursday...crazy!


I love you Grandpa and cherished the time we shared together.  Meg

After 6 hours of class and an 1.5 hr drive I finally made it back to Wash MO to be with my family.    With everyone home the house was much louder but I love it.  That means everyone is back catching up, talking, teasing, and yes causing trouble.  I talked to my Grandma tonight for a few minutes and she seems pretty upbeat.  I think the reality that Grandpa is gone hasn't set in, I don't think it has even set in for me either.


I appreciate the calls, cards, those friends who have offered to help me out in any way they can.  That means a lot to me.  My friends are people who I have taken the time to know and they have taken the time to get to know me.  Even though I may not talk to each of them every day I know I can count on them when I need them.  There is loyalty in our relationships that I cherish.  Along with loyalty goes trust, which for me is something I perhaps guard too much.  It is difficult for me to simply meet someone and pour out my feelings to them.  When it comes to loyalty and trust in friendship it comes down to having your friends best interest at heart.  I don't think "friends" use each others weakness or moments of poor judgement against them.  No hugs for those people who claim to be "friends."


PS if you are one of my friends and reading this I am not writing this in regards to any of you.  Perhaps it is to a so called friend of someone close to me that is not loyal or trustworthy.  Enough said on that.


Tomorrow is going to be a tough day...Meg

Today I had the first part of my International Genocide in Rwanda class.  This consisted of lecture from 10-12, an hour for lunch then more class from 1-5.  That makes for a long day, not to mention the 200+ pages the professor wants us to read by tomorrow.  I am not a fast reader especially after sitting in class all day so I don't think I will be able to read it all.  Oh well I can only do so much.

I am beginning to think that I have overextended myself.  My summer is over, now I have class 7 days a week for the next two weeks.  Then I leave for London and Rwanda but when I come back I have Sunday with school starting on Monday.  I thought that would be ok but now I don't know.  I am worried that I haven't given myself enough time to reenergize, what if I get burnt out next semester, was it worth it?  I can't answer that now.  

I guess my attitude is a cynical right now because class is keeping me in Columbia when the rest of my family is in Wash MO.  That is where I want to be and am angry with myself for being stuck here alone.  Not to mention I have to come right back for class on Wed morning. The other part that stinks is that genocide isn't really an uplifting subject to be studying.  It is kind of a downer then to just go home and read more about it doesn't help.  
I:;
I really could use a hug...Meg

That is the text we sent my sister in London when she asked how Grandpa was.  There are some things you can't say over text...telling her that Grandpa passed away an hour ago is one of them.  Adam and I stopped at the Burger King parking lot because they have free internet.  It was about 2 am in London and we weren't going to be home for awhile so we couldn't lie to her and we couldn't  tell her over text.  So we skyped that way we could do it as close to in person as possible.

It is kind of crazy how things happen.  One minute you are self absorbed and the next you are shoved back to the real world.  My summer day went from trying to decide whether to go to trivia and a outdoor concert or just the concert then deciding on going to a movie.  Then it turned into Grandpa is sick and tomorrow I am going to St. Louis to see him. 

It has been awhile since I blogged but I left off getting ready to visit a couple of my high school friends who now work at the state student council camp for high schoolers.  This is a one week long camp that takes place in Fulton at William Woods University focusing on leadership and those types of things.  While in high school I attended this camp and each time I go back I realize how much I have changed since then.

For me I am much more productive if I get up early, around 6 during the school year and 7 during the summer.  Occasionally that is too early but then I will take a nap and everything works out.  I'm not sure why I get more done when I get up early I just do.  Also I can really tell a difference if I run in the morning too.  I have much more energy and am actually awake.  When I don't run early I tend to put it off then by the end of the day am too tired and don't do it.  That is what works for me.  

Today I started my new class and had all the feelings that go along with that.  I was nervous, excited, scared, and shy.  You don't know what you are getting into, will the class be an easy A? will it be a hard time-intensive class?  You just don't know.   However, I am never as nervous when I know someone in the class.  That at least ensures me that I am in the right room (yes that is something I have to worry about since I once sat in on an entomology class which was suppose to be animal physiology).

Summer classes are a different beast all together.  They are smaller, more flexible and move four times as fast.  Yet most of the professors take into account it is summer, the weather is nice, and no one is realistically going to read the 200 pages in one night.  Normally they just scale back the reading, cover more in their power points, give tests every week.  However, it is always interesting that professors think that summer classes need to be a test period for the regular semester classes.  This can be a good thing or ruin the summer for the students taking the course.